Detox diary 4

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This is taken from the diary I wrote whilst in rehab. These words were written a few weeks after I’d detoxed off methadone.
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The girl with caramel curls.

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When the girl with caramel curls opens her mouth my ears become alert to life’s possibilities.

‘We have nothing until we embrace honesty, it must become our loving guide.’

I desire her words. I wish to place them in my hands and gently caress before putting into a shiny box. Her precious words, safe from harm.

The next time I bump into the girl with caramel curls she’s sat in the quiet room staring out of a window. Her open toe sandals are too small and make her toes look like meerkats peering out of their burrow. 

‘You can live forever, this is the hardest part then it gets easier.’

Her face contains no hatred or pain. I wonder how she ended up in here?

Express your sense

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As a person in recovery, writing often helps me make sense of my self and the world around. At times I’ve no idea how I feel or what I am? One minute I’ve convinced myself I’m a remorseful psychopath wandering around comfortably numb. A moment later I’ve transformed into a hopeless romantic with love in his heart.

I can read a page of words and feel as if I’ve reached a point of understanding, then after re-reading my head feels like a box of scrabble pieces scattered all over the floor, reluctantly coming together for an awkward dinner date.

I often feel confused, guilty and frustrated and wish that I could edit emotions like I can words.

 

Last night I dreamt I was in the middle of the Yankee stadium. Guilt, frustration and shame came flying at me in the form of killer baseballs. They were impossible to hit. A stranger in the crowd shouted out,

‘Let them flow through you, like water.’

But I couldn’t and felt the pain of each one, like a thousand orphan children crying for their fathers.

Raw Literature: Young Sung Hero

Carrot Ranch Literary Community

Raw Literature posts as an ongoing conversation about those first works we create as writers, as literary artists. Guest Authors share personal insights on their craft, its process, the experience of creating raw literature and what they do with it.

Carrot Ranch is a dynamic literary community that creates raw literature weekly in the form of flash fiction (99-word stories). If you have an essay idea, pitch to Charli Mills, Lead Buckaroo, at wordsforpeople@gmail.com.

We welcome a university student to Raw Literature this week. He’s working on his master’s degree in creative writing and explains how he came to write the following short fiction and why.

The Best Days of Their Lives? by YoungLee Giles

Charlie was sat on the floor with his arms wrapped tightly around his knees. He took a long, slow, inhale but continued to shake like someone who’d just been pulled out of a frozen lake…

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